Very funny quotes and motivational inspirational quotes

Published: 21st November 2011
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Funny quotes - “Happiness is an inner state of well being. A state of well being enables you to profit from your highest: thoughts, wisdom, intelligence, common sense, emotions, health, and spiritual values in your life.”

Motivational inspirational quotes - I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

I used so much hairspray that I feel personally responsible for global warming

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception”

A nickel isn’t worth a dime anymore.

Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce.

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work”

Funny quotes - Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

It has been said of the world's history hitherto that might makes right. It is for us and for our time to reverse the maxim, and to say that right makes might.

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

In running, it doesn’t matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say ‘I have finished.’ There is a lot of satisfaction in that.

Funny quotes - “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love.

What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?

Infantile love follows the principle: 'I love because I am loved.' Mature love follows the principle: 'I am loved because I love.' Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'

motivational inspirational quotes - Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.

Some people don’t have the guts for distance racing. The polite term for them is sprinters.

When you love you should not say, 'God is in my heart,' but rather, 'I am in the heart of God.' And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character.

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas?”

motivational inspirational quotes - Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Motivational inspirational quotes - The best place to uplift your spirit with Funny quotes.

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